-
Holding Space for Loneliness
I’ve worked hard over the last few years to build my listening skills. One of the key aspects of being a good listener is simply shutting up, and then once I learned how to do that, I had to learn how to stop using the time I wasn’t talking to formulate what I would say…
-
Life Is Too Short to Be Busy
My husband was 61 years old when he died. He never got to retire. He didn’t get to see his son get married. He didn’t get to see me become a writer or our trainwreck dog become a responsible canine citizen. He missed out on so much. Up until he had his stroke when he…
-
Embracing Mediocrity
I usually aim to do the best I can but that does not mean I aim to be the best. Often the best I can do is mediocre, perhaps a C or C+, if anyone is grading. I am a good enough employee, a good enough researcher, a good enough neighbor, a good enough mother.…
-
Changing My Relationship with My House
One of the many worries I had when my husband died was how to take care of the house. I’ve had the house for 23 years and have managed to have very little to do with the upkeep and maintenance beyond cleaning and decorating. I managed to learn almost no home maintenance skills. I did…
-
Any Day Could Be My Last + Life Is Short = A Few Practices for Savoring Life
The death of a partner that you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with really puts a point on how short life is and how suddenly and unexpectedly it can all be over. My husband was only 61 when he died. There was a time when I thought 61 was ancient, but now…
-
How + Why to Hold Space
Holding space acknowledges difficult emotions without minimizing them or rushing to get rid of them (which is what fixing does). And it normalizes those difficult emotions.
-
Caregiving as Couples Therapy
Being my husband’s caregiver gave us both an opportunity to learn better communication skills and develop our compassion, patience, and appreciation.
-
How to Prepare Now for the Next Crisis or Death (including yours)
You can take some simple steps now to make the next death or crisis easier for everyone to deal with.
-
Cutting Wire and Shifting My Narrative
Being widowed often means having to learn to do things your partner used to do. These are bittersweet victories.
-
How to Write a Sympathy Card
When my husband died, I got a lot of sympathy cards, and every single one of them meant something to me. I loved the cards from people who had known my husband; knowing he would be missed seemed like validation of the heartbreak I felt. I loved equally the cards from people who hadn’t known…
You must be logged in to post a comment.