Elizabeth Kleinfeld, Writer + Guide for Life's Messes

Category: normalizing what should be normal

  • “I Am Not a Poor Thing!” How to Talk to a Dying Person

    Last weekend when I visited Margaret, my hospice patient who’s in her late 80s and dying of COPD, she was having a challenging day—she was confused about whether it was day or night, how to use a fork, whether coffee is a drink or a food. I told her a bit about what I had…

  • What Disability-Affirming Looks Like (and why it matters)

    I hate everything about the concept of overcoming disability. I understand that typically when people talk about someone having overcome a disability, they mean it as a compliment. I’ve heard people talk about how FDR overcame his polio to become president, how Helen Keller overcame her blindness and Deafness to communicate, how Simone Biles overcame…

  • How to Share Your Own Grief Story with a Grieving Person

    Sometimes learning about someone else’s loss and grief is a gift and sometimes it is a horrible burden. I’ve been trying to figure out what makes the difference for me so that I can share my own loss and grief story with others in a way that makes it more likely to be received as…

  • How + Why to Hold Space

    Holding space acknowledges difficult emotions without minimizing them or rushing to get rid of them (which is what fixing does). And it normalizes those difficult emotions.

  • Finding Judgment-Free Zones in Grief Support Groups

    I’ve participated in different kinds of support groups and found them all useful, but most importantly, I’ve found them to be judgment-free zones.

  • How to Prepare Now for the Next Crisis or Death (including yours)

    You can take some simple steps now to make the next death or crisis easier for everyone to deal with.

  • Recognizing My Own Toxic Positivity

    How could being positive ever be toxic? Well, when it makes you feel pressure to squelch any emotions that could be seen as “negative,” like sadness, grief, or fear. I’ve had my own struggles with toxic positivity. What I’ve learned is that reframing pain, sadness, and other emotions I used to see as negative into…

  • One Way to Normalize Grief: Just Be Present

    When we try to fix the pain or distract from it, we imply that it is wrong or unhealthy, when in fact, the opposite is true. By being present for someone else’s pain, we show that it is normal, that the person feeling it is normal.

  • How to Stop Trying to Fix Grief + Just Listen

    Listening without trying to fix is a skill that may need to be learned. You may wonder what to say or how to stay present.

  • The Art of Being Alone

    One of the adjustments being widowed has required is getting used to doing things alone that I used to do with a partner. Traveling, attending events, and dining out are all activities that I was used to do doing with my late husband.