When a loved one dies, one of the first tasks that needs to be completed is writing an obituary. If you don’t enjoy writing or feel confident doing it, this task can feel overwhelming. Capturing an entire life in just a few sentences or paragraphs may feel impossible.

The first thing to consider is whether you want to write it yourself or delegate it. Writing an obituary can feel cathartic. Writing my husband’s obituary was a labor of true love. I wrote most of it myself, but his mother and brother helped me fill in the blanks about his early years and some of the best language is from them.

I found it very comforting to write it myself and have the clearly defined task to focus on in the first days after my husband’s death, but I’m a writer and I enjoy writing. If writing isn’t your thing, or writing an obituary sounds horrible to you, delegate this task. You know how all those people say, “Let me know how I can help” but you have no idea what to ask for? Well, here’s something concrete. You need help writing an obituary.

If you are the one writing it, keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be perfect. Most obituaries these days live online, which means they can be updated or edited fairly easily. If you realize you left out something important or made a factual error, you can most likely correct it.

Understanding the main purposes and readers of obituaries can help you focus your efforts. I think there are two main groups of people who read obituaries: people who knew the person and people who didn’t.

People who knew the person often read it for information about a funeral or memorial service and to be reminded of the life and deeds of the person who died.

People who didn’t know the person may read out of curiosity or because of their connection to someone who was close to the person who died.

It is typical to include

• The person’s full name, including nicknames. This can help people who are searching online find it quickly.
• Their age when they died and often their birthdate and date of death.
• The city or town they lived in most recently. This can also help people who are searching online for the obituary.
• Places of employment, military service, and schools attended.
• The names of surviving family members. This helps readers know who to send sympathy messages to.
• Date and address of funeral or memorial service, if planned.

You can include much more, if you want. Some optional items to include are

• Cause of death. This is completely optional and there is no right or wrong answer as to whether to include it. The decision is very personal.
• Stories about the person who died. In the obituary I wrote for my husband, I included a lot of stories. I found it very cathartic to think about which stories to include, and I also enjoyed capturing his indomitable spirit and thought a lot about which stories would best showcase that.
• Information about organizations people can donate to in the person’s memory.

Here’s a simple template for writing an obituary:

Although the obituary I wrote for my husband is quite long, it pretty much follows this template. There’s no need to reinvent a wheel here—the standard formula works well.

And don’t feel like humans are the only ones who deserve obituaries. Why not write one for a beloved pet? As I said, I found it very comforting to write one for my husband, so if you are mourning a pet, perhaps writing their obituary is just what you need.

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