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31 Months Out: Grief No Longer Filters Everything
I noticed last week that the corners of my mouth were cracked, the result of the dry cold winters bring to Denver. This has happened to me every winter since I moved here nearly 30 years ago. But this is the first time I’ve noticed it since my husband died, meaning I didn’t notice it…
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Grief + the Weight of False Memories
I’ve worked hard to adopt the attitude that I did the best I could when I was taking care of my husband after his stroke. Afterall, we were all dealing with a pandemic, I had never been a caregiver for someone with the high level of needs my husband had before, and the person I…
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5 Ways Grieving People Can Start 2024 Peacefully
I like to take some time in December and January to reflect on the year that has passed and to use that reflection to think about how I want the next year to go. This is my third time going through that reflection process as a widow. I haven’t changed the process I use in…
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Grieving during the Holidays: Going Down the Christmas Rabbit Hole
I deliberately turned down offers of company for Christmas Eve and Christmas this year, looking forward to having the days of peaceful solitude to myself to relax, bake, and snuggle with the dogs. As a BuJew (Buddhist Jew), my interest in Christmas is all about the cookies, cheer, and delicious smell of pine needles. The…
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Grief + the Holidays
The holidays are notoriously hard for people who are grieving. Holiday traditions often invoke memories of the person we are missing. Anticipatory grief for someone who is still alive can kick in hard as we remember past holidays with them and ponder future holidays without them. At the same time, the focus on “holiday cheer”…
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Changing My Relationship with My House
One of the many worries I had when my husband died was how to take care of the house. I’ve had the house for 23 years and have managed to have very little to do with the upkeep and maintenance beyond cleaning and decorating. I managed to learn almost no home maintenance skills. I did…
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How to Share Your Own Grief Story with a Grieving Person
Sometimes learning about someone else’s loss and grief is a gift and sometimes it is a horrible burden. I’ve been trying to figure out what makes the difference for me so that I can share my own loss and grief story with others in a way that makes it more likely to be received as…
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Widowed for almost 2 ½ Years: What Feels Possible
It’s just a month shy of 2 ½ years since my husband died. Every time I think of how long it’s been, I’ve been shocked both at how long it’s been and how short it’s been. I can’t believe I’ve survived nearly 2 ½ years without him, a task that felt impossible in the first…
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Missing Shared Silence
I grew up before Susan Cain’s book Quiet helped spur a re-evaluation of introversion. I was an introverted quiet kid when being quiet was seen as a character flaw. I remember my teachers saying on my report cards things like, “She’s very quiet but . . . “ and then there would be the good…
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Asking for Help, Part 2: Figuring Out What to Ask For
I talked a couple weeks ago about how asking for help is brave. I have found that one of the barriers I face to asking for help is that I often don’t know what “help” would look like. Sometimes, brave or not, I’m too confused to ask for help. I am often slow to realize…
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