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How to Write an Obituary
When a loved one dies, one of the first tasks that needs to be completed is writing an obituary. If you don’t enjoy writing or feel confident doing it, this task can feel overwhelming. Capturing an entire life in just a few sentences or paragraphs may feel impossible. The first thing to consider is whether…
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Grief, Sleep, and a Heavy Box
For most of my adult life, I have been a great sleeper. I usually have had little trouble falling asleep and I’ve stayed asleep for most of the night. After my husband’s stroke, the stress and what seemed like an infinite number of unknowns exhausted me and I continued to sleep well at night but…
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My husband’s death makes everything he touched feel precious to me
The most beautiful room in my house is undoubtedly the guest bedroom. It was the last room my husband remodeled before his stroke, getting it done just in time for a friend’s visit in January 2020. It’s a small room that had served at different points as an office, my daughter’s bedroom, and a storage…
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Life Is Too Short to Be Busy
My husband was 61 years old when he died. He never got to retire. He didn’t get to see his son get married. He didn’t get to see me become a writer or our trainwreck dog become a responsible canine citizen. He missed out on so much. Up until he had his stroke when he…
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Do the Dead Forgive Us?
One commonality among all the grieving people I know is regret. For many of us, the regret is small(ish) but others are plagued by regret. People wish they could take back something they said or did or do or say something that was left undone or unsaid. Often the regret is about something that seemed…
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What To Do When Someone’s Pet Dies
The first of a handful of times I saw my stoic late husband cry was when our dog Clark died. Clark was a black lab mix that Tom had rescued a few years before he and I met. Clark was an avid rafter who loved to swim. He was a cocky swimmer—I remember one time…
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How to Respond to Nosy Questions when You Are Grieving
I recently wrote a piece that appeared in The Boston Globe about how we should talk about grief more. I said in that piece that being inarticulate is fine, being messy is fine, and I stand by it. I think the only way we’ll get better at talking about grief is by daring to be…
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Dealing with Overwhelm after a Death
Along with grief can come overwhelm. There is so much to do and it all feels simultaneously urgent and pointless. I remember staring at the forms I needed to file to take my husband’s estate through the probate process and being unable to comprehend how to complete them. Every blank space on the form seemed…
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Embracing Mediocrity
I usually aim to do the best I can but that does not mean I aim to be the best. Often the best I can do is mediocre, perhaps a C or C+, if anyone is grading. I am a good enough employee, a good enough researcher, a good enough neighbor, a good enough mother.…
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The Wild, Tangled Scribble of Grief (aka you’re never done with it)
I posted last week about feeling good and then Thursday night, I did not feel good. Not good at all. I had an upset stomach and a brutal headache when I went to bed. I slept for a few hours and then woke up, having an anxiety attack. I was sick all day Friday, able…
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